Choose!
by Daine Alix
Summary: Kikyo an emo? Shippo a hot dog vendor? lol If you think these things are inpossible your wrong! Choose is about all the charactersof inuyasha having to choose who they prefer! Please review and give me ideas for further chapters!
1. Chapter 1

Choose!

"Okay Inuyasha its time for you too choose!" Kagome yelled out to the hanyou. Inuyasha turned to see the young miko glaring at him with a very angry looking Kikyo in tow.

"Kagome!? Kikyo!? What in the seven hells!?" Inuyasha sputtered out thoroughly confused. "What are you talking about woman?"

"Its time for you to chose Inuyasha either me or this angsty bitch!" Kagome shot out.

"Hey!" Kikyo defended "I died twice okay? I have reason to be a little bitchy!" Inuyasha just blinked a few times, not really believing this was actually happening.

"Pfft whatever then, so Inuyasha which one is it going to be?" Kagome demanded. Sango, Miroku, Shippo and Kirara decided to sit and watch this whole ordeal, from the mysterious stands that just suddenly appeared. Inuyasha looked around and was shocked to see that him and the two priestesses were now in what looked like a boxing ring.

"Yeah Kagome woot!" yelled out Sango waving her **GO KAGOME GO** flag.

"I wish those two would fight over me" Miroku sighed. A snap was heard and Sango's flag seemed to have snapped in two over Miroku's dumb head.

"Hot dogs! Get you hotd- hey! Wait, why do I have to sell the hotdogs!? I'm still just a kid y'know!" Shippo whined.

"So who'd he choose?"

"Oh hey Sesshomaru, Rin, err the Kermit the frog reject?" greeted Sango.

"My name's Jaken! The demon fumed.

"Oh, lord Sesshomaru may I please have a hot dog?" Rin asked as the great demon nodded.

_Back to the fight!_

"So Inuyasha which will it be, me or that whiny little pre-teen half wit?" Kikyo smirked.

"Uh, well.." Inuyasha started, but trailed off as Kikyo started opening her shirt to show off more cleavage. Kagome fumed at this, but smirked as she rolled up her mini skirt just that much more.

"Ohhh, Inuyasha" she called. He turned and proceeded to drool.

"Oy! Keep it clean! There are children in the stands!" yelled out Kaede as she arrived.

"Arn't their child labor laws about this or something?" whined Shippo in the background as he served Kaede her hotdog.

"Only in Canada" said Jakotsu. (A/N Yays Canada and Jakotsu!)

"Oh hey Jakotsu! What's up man?" greeted Miroku "where are the others?"

"Ahh well the author doesn't care much for the others, I'm her favorite so only I get to appear!" grinned Jakotsu. The stands were pretty much crowded now and the onlookers turned their attention back to the fight.

"Come on Inuyasha me and you can burn in hell everlastingly!" Kikyo offered.

"She's dead Inuyasha! For kami's sake! D-E-A-D! And hell and eternity don't sound like a very good combination!" Kagome yelled out.

"I was your first love!" Kikyo yelled.

"Who killed him.." Kagome muttered sarcastically.

"I'm pale and emo, isn't that hot?"

"I'm a horny school girl" smirked Kagome.

"Yaaay Kagome!" the majority of the crowd yelled crowd yelled.

"Yay Kikyo" a small voice cheered.

"Aww thanks Kaede at least I can always count on you." Kikyo smiled at her younger sister.

"What are you talking about? I'm cheering for Kagome!" Kaede said.

"Not even my own sister cheers for me." Sobbed Kikyo as she took a razor and sliced her wrist (A/N oooh emo) "Well, then who did?"

"I did!" Miyoga the flea hopped into view "But only because you have a nice ass!"

"Allright! Allright! I think I'm ready to make my decision!" Inuyasha announced.

"If you don't choose me ill slit your wrists when you're not looking" Kikyo threatened.

"Ill sit you into oblivion." Kagome countered.

"Ahh, well umm I choose K-" with a crack of lightning Naraku appeared in the middle of the ring, interrupting Inuyasha.

"Never!" he yelled, "Kikyo is mine!" with that he ate the priestess whole "Omnomnomnom" suddenly Koga appeared.

"Never! Kagome is my mate! Bitch please!" and with that he picked up Kagome and zoomed off. And then Naraku left in a flash as well.

The audience gasped as Inuyasha sat there shocked.

"What. The. Hell!? Now I have no one!!!" he yelled frustrated.

"Don't worry Inuyasha" Miroku said as he stood up "You'll always have your left hand." The whole audience burst into laughter.

"BASTARD!!!" yelled Inuyasha as he jumped into the stands with his Tetseiga.

_Next Time on Choose!_

_Sango must choose between Miroku and Kohaku._

"_What the hell!? I don't love Kohaku like that!!" Sango yells_

"_We have our suspicions!" stated Miroku._

_And, will Inuyasha find love, in somewhere other than his left hand?_

"_I heard that! Come here you bastard! WIND SCAR!!"_

_We'll see you next time on Choose!_


	2. Chapter 2

Last time on choose… 

_Well actually not that much happened it was basically just like another normal episode of Inuyasha. Kikyo was angsty, Kagome pissed off, Inuyasha indecisive and even more pissed off. Naraku lusting after Kikyo, Koga lusting after Kagome. Miroku and Sango fighting; and Shippou being effin annoying. Oh, and Jakotsu being ADORABLE!! So yeah just like a normal episode, with just a lot more swearing and sexuality, so in this episode we will view Sango and Miroku's relationship and Sango's and Kohaku's "relationship"._

"It's not incest damnit!!!" screamed Sango annoyed at what the monk was implying.

"Hey, all I'm saying is that you and your brother have a very close relationship…maybe even too close?" Miroku implied with a grin. The whole audience snickered. "Hey, where is Kohaku anyway?"

"Here." Replied a dull and lifeless voice, as Kohaku immerged from the shadows. The audience gave a gasp, then an aww.

"What's with the aww?" Miroku asked confused.

"It's cause my little brother is so cute." Sighed Sango.

"No! It's 'cause Rin is holding the cue cards and she's a friggan MORON!" yelled out Jaken. A loud bashing sound followed as Sesshomaru kicked his little froggy ass. Suddenly Inuyasha reappeared with Kagome on his back and a smirk on his face, and a new fur belt?

"Inuyasha was it really necessary to do that to Koga!?" questioned Kagome.

"Do what?" inquired Shippo.

"Well, look at the belt!" she screeched pointing.

"You ripped off his tail?" Inuyasha smirked, shaking his head no.

"Trust me Shippo you do NOT want to know where that "fur" came from!" Kagome groaned with a blush.

"Oh." Was all the stupid little kitsune could say as he twirled around, Sailor Moon style and became a referee? " ARE YOU READY TO RUMMMMBLE!?" he yelled, the audience blinked, shrugged and turned their attention back to the ring.

"Helloooo." Droned Kohaku "How are you all doing today? My name's Kohaku and I am going to eat your babies one day." The audience shifted nervously away from the eleven-year-old, psychopath.

"You realize your brother is like, the creepiest shit ive ever see right?" Miroku asked, kinda nervous by the kid's blank stare. "And is being controlled by an evil puppet master of epic proportions? Who's sole mission in life is too cause all pain and suffering."

"But, but he has a good heart!" screamed Sango.

"Actually, I don't, Naraku ate it, just like I'm going to eat your babies some day." He turned towards the audience again with a sadistic grin. "My replacement was…"

"A baby's heart?" questioned Kaede. (A/N hey she gets a line in this chappie!"

"No. What are you? Made of fail? It's an onigri. Dumb ass." Kaede turned towards Sango.

"He's obviously a complete jack ass now 'kay? So ill just do you both the favor and kill him." She drew her bow and arrow towards Kohaku.

"Nooo!" screamed Sango as she ran forward and punted Kaede. The old woman flew off into the air.

"Team Rocket's blasting off agaaaaain…" she screamed as she disappeared in a twinkle of light. Rin held up her "WTF" sign as the audience just sighed and shook their head at the author's use of comedic relief by ways of association. (A/N just kickin it old school!)

"so Sango? Which is it? Incest and deformed babies or sexy me?" questioned the monk.

"well I…."

"Sister!" yelled Kohaku as he ran forward and embraced her.

"Oh Kohaku!" cried Sango as she held her beloved-kinda-a-corpse brother.

"It's okay, I don't mind if our children are deformed and if you really care ill just use a condom."

"You guys have condoms in this era?" Kagome pondered.

"Well, we got them from you!" Shippo yelled out! Kagome appeared shocked.

"Yes Lady Kagome, me and Shippo found them in your bag and we passed them around for the other's use!" Rin nodded. Kagome found herself contemplating for the first time in her life, killing an eight-year-old girl.

"Those were for me and Inuy-" she stopped as the whole group turned to gape at her. She blushed and shut her trap.

"What? I don't get it? What the hell's a condaum anyways? Why are you all so embarrassed anyways?" Inuyasha questioned, confused. Kagome leaned over and whispered into his ear.

"Ill show you later okay?" she smirked. (A/N ooo could this be some foreshadowing for a later, smuttier story….heheh…perhaps)

They were interrupted as Sango punted Kohaku into the sky, just like the old geezer before him. She then turned to Miroku, kissed him hard on the mouth and grabbed his ass.

"How do you like it!?" she asked.

"I like it very much thank you." He grinned suggestively as the two started to head off to the hut.

"Ewww monk sex." Squealed Jakotsu. (A/N yes he's still here!). The whole group laughed as suddenly Kikyo appeared, covered in Naraku vomit and very much alive.

"Are you fcking kidding me!?" raged Kagome. "Why wont you die!?" she then grabbed Inuyasha's Tetseiga and slashed the emo in half. As Kagome stood there covered in blood, Inuyasha realized he had never been so aroused in his life! Naturally when he grabbed Kagome and started kissing her, an awkward silence fell over the embarrassed audience, Jakotsu finally broke it.

"I rather like condoms…."

Next time on Choose… 

_We will closely examine the demon lord, Kermit the frog reject and eight-year old girl love triangle. Better known as the Sesshijakerin._

"_There is no love triangle!" fumed the demon lord calmly._

"_My lord, what kind of triangle? And what is Master Jaken doing over there? He's behind that hut and making funny noises as he looks at a picture of you"_

_Is it pedophilia? Bestiality? Frog rape? Butter? It's not! I can't believe it's NOT butter! Well see you next time on Choose!_


	3. Chapter 3

_Welcome back to Choose! Today's episode is brought to you in part by Huggies Diapers, and they're new spokes model Shippo!_

"_First you have me selling hotdogs and now this!? I'm still just a kid you know!"_

A/N For all those who haven't realized yet, I can't stand Shippo. Grins 

_On with the show!_

"There is no such triangle." Lord Sesshomaru calmly stated. "Rin is but a child, and Jaken is.." he trailed off as he stared off at the green demon picking petals off of a daisy.

"Lord Sesshomaru loves me. He loves me not. He loves me…" Jaken was cut off as the daisy was violently shoved down his throat.

"So, if Rin is nothing but a child…you wont mind if I eat her!?" Naraku jumped out from underneath the stands, and lunged towards the small girl.

"Eeeek Lord Sesshomaru!" Rin squealed.

"Mikuru Beeeeaaam!" Kaede shouted as she lifted up her eye patch and blasted Naraku out of the story. Just then, Sango and Miroku rushed back in. Both were red in the face and panting.

"So, what did we miss!?" Sango asked nonchalant, while fanning herself. Kaede coughed.

"Why you missed the unveiling of my super secret special power. Now I know ye all thought me to be a stupid old hag with no talent. And now ye all wish to praise m-" she stopped and looked around. "Where did ye go?"

The group sat huddled in the bushes, waiting for her to get the point and shuffle off and make some tea or something.

"JUST BECAUSE IM OLD DOESN'T MEAN I SHUFFLE AND MAKE TEA!" Kaede shrieked from afar, almost as if hearing their thoughts, or reading over the authors shoulder. Soon, Kagome and Inuyasha popped in.

"So, did she get the point and make tea yet?" Inuyasha asked, while peaking over the bushes.

"I DON'T EVEN DRINK TEA YE BASTARDS! JUST FOR THIS I'M GOING TO MAKE MOONSHINE!" with that said she gathered her Dragon Balls and hopped into the Batmobile.

"Good she left!" cheered the group.

"Bad news." Jakotsu pointed out. "So have Sesshy, Rin and Kermit." They all turned and sighed at the empty space behind.

"Well now what?" Shippo whined "We don't have a show now!"

"That means our contract could be void!!!" screeched Kagome.

"Or the author could get bad reviews!" squealed Jakotsu.

"Orrr…it could mean…" Inuyasha said slyly. "That my brother is a lolicon and has kidnapped Rin!"

"Ahh! A high speed car chase scene!" Kagome shouted as she jumped to her feet. "That would be most excellent for ratings!"

"What's a car?" Shippo whispered.

"Don't interrupt her!" Inuyasha snapped, as he sporked Shippo in the temple. "What's a car?" he said turning to Kagome.

"Augh! Does it matter!?" Sango said throwing her hands in the air. "Let's all jump into Optimus Prime and be on our way! That pedophile is probably halfway to Konoha by now!" With that said the whole group trundled into the transformer and whipped out the GPS.

_Next time on Choose:_

_The ferocious, high speed transformer chase scene for a dubious lolicon!_

_And yes, the term ferocious is very suitable for that sentence._

_What? You don't believe me!? I am the narrator after all._

_Dubious is also quite an exceptional term. God, its called look it up!_

_Anyways! Beside the point!_

_YOU will decide the next couple! Tell us what couple you want next and will serve 'er up on_

_CHOOSE!_  
**Insert catchy theme song here**

(Actually I think I'll take suggestions on that as well!)


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